Since I'm going to be spending a week on the farm, I thought a few farm jokes would be nice.

A cocky State Highways employee stopped at a farm and talked with an old farmer. He told the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm for a possible new road."

The old farmer said, "OK, but don't go in that field." The Highways employee said, "I have the authority of the State Government to go where I want. See this card? I am allowed to go wherever I wish on farm land."

So the old farmer went about his farm chores.

Later, he heard loud screams and saw the State Highways employee running for the fence and close behind was the farmer's prize bull. The bull was madder than a nest full of hornets and the bull was gaining on the employee at every step!!

The old farmer called out, "Show him your card!!"

 

 

John, a jogger, is running down a country road and is startled when a horse yells at him, 'Hey-come over here buddy.'

 

John is stunned but still runs over to the fence where the horse is standing and asks, 'Were you talking to me?'

The horse replies, 'Sure was, man I've got a problem. I won the Kentucky Derby a few years ago and this farmer bought me and now all I do is pull a plough and I'm sick of it. Why don't you run up to the house and offer him $10,000 to buy me. I'll make you some money because I can still run.'
John thought to himself, 'Wow, a talking horse.'

Dollar signs started appearing in his head. So he runs to the house and the old rancher is sitting on the porch.

John tells the farmer, 'Hey man I'll give you $10,000 for that old broken down nag you've got in the field.'

The farmer replies, 'Son you can't believe anything that horse says. He's never even been to Kentucky.'

 

Two farmers are talking to each other over a  gate when one turns to the other and asks, 'Do your cows smoke?

No, answered the first one, surprised.
Well then your cowshed must be burning!

 

Farmer Dan got into his Toyota 4-by-4 and drove to the neighboring ranch and knocked at the door. A young boy, Eddie, aged about 10, opened the door.

'Is yer Dad home?' Dan demanded.
'No, sir, he ain't,' Eddie replied. 'He went into town.'
'Well, then,' inquired Dan, 'is yer Mom here?'
'No, sir, she ain't here neither. She went into town with Dad.'
'How about your brother? Is he here?'
'He went with Mom and Dad,' explained Eddie patiently.

Farmer Dan stood there for a few seconds, shifting from one foot to the other and muttering to himself.

'Is there anything I can do fer ya?' Eddie asked politely. 'I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one. Or maybe I could take a message fer Dad.'
 'Well, it's difficult,' answered Dan uncomfortably, 'I really wanted to talk to yer Dad. It's about your brother getting my daughter pregnant.'

Eddie considered for a moment, 'You would have to talk to Pa about that,' he finally conceded. 'If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $600 for the bull and $60 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets fer Howard.'