You Know Your 90th birthday is not too far off when, at cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough.

Happy hour is a nap.

You stop buying green bananas.

It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

Someone compliments you on your layered look.... and you're wearing a bikini.

Things you buy now won't wear out.

In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

You wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.

It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.

Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."

The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

You realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

All of your favorite movies are now re-released in color.

"Getting a little action" means you don't need to take a laxative.