THIS IS JUST SO BAD I HAVE TO SHARE IT

Polish Divorce

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
Although his English was not perfect, they got along very well.
One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him to arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds?
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It made of concrete.

I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
No, we have carport, and not need one.

I mean what are your relations like?
All my relations still in Poland .

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

Does your wife beat you up?
No, I always up before her.

Is your wife a nagger?
No, she white.

Why do you want this divorce?
She going to kill me.

What makes you think that?
I got proof.

What kind of proof?
She going to poison me.

She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.
I can read English pretty good, and it say:

I hear folks scraping their windshields out in the parking lot.

ANOTHER TALK SHOW ON THE WAY

Remember Arsenio Hall?  If you're under 20 you don't.  It's been that long since his highly successful television talk show went off the air.

That's long enough.  He's coming back with an hour long show in September.

BYE BYE BOOKS!

Article in the Chicago Tribune this morning.  Barnes & Noble plans to close 30% of its stores in the next 10 years.

SLOW GO IN THE FOG

Visibility is a quarter mile or less this morning with the dense fog covering southeast Minnesota, northeast Iowa and far southwest Wisconsin.  At the National Weather Service Office, on Grandad Bluff, visibility is down to 200 feet.

THE NATONAL GEOGRAPHIC PHOTO OF THE DAY IS BABY ALLIGATORS IN TEXAS

TAKE A LOOK HERE.

NORWEGIAN PROVERB

COOKIES ARE MADE

OF BUTTER AND LOVE

AUNT WILDA DOING OK

Rita said she had a long talk with Aunt Wilda last night.  The home is still on quarantine because of all the colds and flu going around.  Otherwise, Rita says, she sounded pretty good.

TOYOTA #1

Interesting sales results are in.  Toyota sold more cars, over 9 million, than any other car maker last year.

A COUPLE OF WARMER DAYS AHEAD

Icy roads will still be a problem this morning and we won't see any sun but temperatures will warm up close to 40 today and tomorrow before we get another round of bitter cold Arctic air toward the end of the week.

Temperatures will produce wind chills of 15 to 30 below zero Thursday and Friday. 

I've now gone from hating winter to, absolutely, despising it.

THIS IS MY LIFE, EXCEPT, SCRATCH THE WORK AND ADD THAT TO THE THINGS I HAD JUST A MINUTE AGO

RENEE GOT A NEW PUP. I'M IN LOVE AGAIN!

HERE'S ONE FOR THE LADIES

MEN ARE LIKE PLACEMATS

THEY ONLY SHOW UP WHEN

THERE'S FOOD ON THE TABLE

PENGUINS FIRST CONTACT WITH HUMANS IN THE ANTARCTIC

FASCINATING VIDEO



TODAY IS MOZART'S BIRTHDAY. BORN IN 1756.

One could celebrate with a long, drawn out, symphony but I think you'll like this better.  It's ROOT BEER MOZART. (I love this guy)

OH HOW I HATE THIS PART OF WINTER

I've said it before and I'll say it again.  January and February are the two most miserable months of the year.

The next seven days look, absolutely, awful.  Snow, ice and cold can be expected all week and another round of SUPER COLD will arrive toward the end of the week.  They're forecasting a HIGH, next Thursday, of 5 degrees above zero.

I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT!

THE GREATEST INVENTION IN THE HISTORY OF THE HUMAN RACE!

WHAT'S IT LIKE TO TRAVEL ON THE WORLDS LONGEST HIGH SPEED TRAIN TRIP?

HERE IT COMES!

When I got up, this morning, I was hoping that I had just dreamed that bad weather was coming but, alas, it's for real.

A storm warning goes into effect at 9 A.M. and will remain in effect until midnight, tonight.

Beginning late this morning snow and sleet will begin to fall, becoming moderate to heavy this afternoon.  2 to 4 inches of snow and sleet is expected.

The National Weather Service says you can count on HAZARDOUS OR NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE travel.

TO CHECK ROAD CONDITIONS CALL 511

ONLY THOSE IN LOVE WITH THE PRAIRIE WILL UNDERSTAND THIS

It was soon after crossing into Iowa, coming south from Minnesota, that I gradually became conscious of the wind.

I don't know whether you know that long, sad wind that blows so steadily across the hundreds of miles of Midwest flat lands in the summertime. If you don't, it will be hard for you to understand the feeling I have about it. Even if you know it, you may not understand.

To me the summer wind in the Midwest is one of the most melancholy things in all life. It comes from so far, and it blows so gently and yet so relentlessly; it rustles the leaves and the branches of the maple trees in a sort of symphony of sadness, and it doesn't pass on and leave them still. It just keep coming, like the infinite flow of Old Man River.

You could—and you do—wear out your lifetime on the dusty plains with that wind of futility blowing in your face. And when you are worn out and gone, the wind, still saying nothing, still so gentle and sad and timeless, is still blowing across the prairies, and will blow in the faces of the little men who follow you, forever.

--Ernie Pyle, 1935, in Nichols: Ernie's America